Nor I have some questions about boundaries here.

Why is you son (how old is he btw?) attempting to prevent his father from smoking? He is the child, not a parent and not his father's keeper. It is not his place to be doing this.

Are you endorsing this behavior from your son? (as in do you encourage it or stand by and do nothing)

This part of it is a boundary issue. You son is acting like a parent (very common in children of alcoholics) and over-stepping some major boundaries. It doesn't matter what his reasons are for doing it, it's wrong.

I could see your husband getting angry at you, because you are the other adult. Parents never want to take their anger out on children. Also, how much ownership do you have in your son's behavior?

As for the abuse. Good for you. Don't put up with it. However, stop blaming yourself. Your not a verbal punching bad, nor should you ever be.

Also, with alcoholics you really need to pick your poison. What would you rather see? Him drinking or him smoking? It's rare to see a recovering alcoholic quit smoking after the fact. It tends to set off all the extreme alcoholic behaviors.

Also, your putting stress and blame on yourself over an issue your son has no business being in. Again, boundary issues.

Hope that helped some.
bec