I agree with what you are all saying, and would have said the same thing. Just in addition to that, I can also more and more understand now, why people look for greener grass somewhere else. years ago, I condemned people who cheated, I couldn't understand. And the stereotype in my mind is, guys cheat... they must be sooo stupic to risk what they have.
But over the last years, there was so much pain my wife had to deal with, and so much pain I was confronted with, ... how do you deal with that? And in your pain you look for other things, and you slowly push the boundaries.
I am not excusing stepping over boundaries here, but what I am saying is, I understand much better that people do it in order to deal with their pain, which can be drugs, alcohol, sex, work, other intimate relationships, emotional dependencies etc...

What can you do about it?

Well, there is wisdom here in many voices,
and I guess it also depends on the Trauma.

Sex, frequent sex and talk about your sex life is certainly positive.

Also open talk about possible infidelity. We call that temptations, because of our clear boundaries. How tempted are you, why, and what do you need?

What helps me is to talk about my escape thoughts with someone. Well, that's what you do in Alcoholic Anonymous groups, you talk openly. that just defuses the whole escape thing. But of course, what you need in place first are clear boundaries. If those don't exist, one doesn't count infidelity as an escape.

Well, that's what I come up with.