Harry, I like you responses.

Neela, you sound to be in a very similar place to me in terms of having a lot of faith and trust in your partner but also in terms of having that fear during time apart.

I have given my feelings about this a lot of thought, as it has upset me quite a lot to all of a sudden have a diminished trust in my beloved. I will try to summarise the conclusions I have come up with so far and prehaps you can see whether or not you identify with any of them or even if they prompt you to consider your own situation in ways your hadn't yet thought of.

For me, my diminished trust has stemmed from 4 main issues:

1. Frequent lies to me from my PTSD husband.
I now understand this is somewhat a symptom (or I may have that wrong?) and also a result of my initial way of "caring" i.e. to try to dictate how he should be leading hi life to "move on" from the trauma and get his life back together, which really only pushed him when he dind't need it. So for example if I were to tell him a bill had to be paid and stressed it so very much as the phone would be cut off if he didn't, then the more I stressed it, the less likely he would be to do it. Seemingly almost to spite me (that's how I saw it). So then if I were to ask if the bill were paid, to keep me off his back he would lie and then the phone would get cut off (thius is a hypothetical, BTW). So if I saw him with a girl and asked who she was, no matter what he told me, I began to have doubts. I never would have even noticed he were with a girl before his PTSD!

And that's what brings me to the next point...

2. My fears of losing him
I have been, and still am so very scared of losing my husband, to his PTSD and to another girl.

3. My hang-up with someone else I love
Someone very close to me who I prefer to not specify, once cheated on their partner, also someone very close to me, just after they were married. I could not believe it when I was told. It is something I pushed out of my mind as I didn't want to believe it or think about it. I wish I had never been told. I almost forgot it. Until I was prompted to consider why I am now haveing these fears. I also realised that the attitudes the cheatee in this relationship have rubbed off on me and has probably made me "suspicious" when I otherwise would have not been. I have since decided to in my heart forgive this particualr cheating, after carrying it for so long, probably before I even knew the story. And upon forgiving, I have let the pain from it go. Just because I don;t agree with it happeneing in the first place and wish it didn't happen does not mean I can't forgive it.

4. Finally, purely and simply I was cheated on by my past partner.
A lot. I had complete trust in him for almost our entire 5 year realtionship. Then I found out he had cheated on me on several occasions with several different girls over the last year we were together. And I NEVER suspected a thing. So I suppose that is always in the back of my mind and always will be. Even though I thought that I had COMPLETE faith and trust in my husband. Seems given the apprpriate situation, all of us have fears that surface that we may not even know we had.

It may help you to understand your doubts if you explore what underlying history in your life could be adding to your feelings.

But one thing that has comforted me is that if a big part of me is saying "he's not cheating" I'm gonna go with that. Simple as that. If I'm committing to this for the long haul, it's lock stock and barrell.