Thanks Kathy.

I must admit I have not directly asked my husband what he wants. But to be honest I am not sure he knows yet.

He is throwing himself at his work and seems to have little time for anything else. From what I can gather he is also sleeping quite a lot and that is either his depression (very typical for him) or the fact that he has been quite sick with vomiting for about 2 weeks on and off (maybe a symptom?? or a bug he just can't shake).

I have spoken to him on the phone this morning, he made contact with me to ask a bout a bill coming in the mail. During the conversation I did reassure him that he still has 9 days until holidays to get a ll the work done he is panicking about. It seemed to make him realx a little, perhaps me suggesting my faith in him... then with his slightly lifter spirit, I felt it safe to gently probe if he thought he would make it to Christmas with his family on Christmas Day. He sorrowfully said "I don't know, you know how I feel about Christmas" - I wasn't aware of any great feeling either way. Seems he does have one now.. I didn't take that as a positive enough response to continue to probe as to whether he thought he would come to my family's Christmas that we do on Christmas Eve.

To be honest I have hope that he may be home by Christmas and I wanted to ask him but I really thought that it would be pushing him and I am trying my best to NOT do that. I don't want to ruin all the "hard work" I have put in over the past 9 days (since I started researching PTSD properly), by giving him space and only making contact when necessasry and keepoing this very low kep but very caring and supportive (even when I wanted to tell him off!!).

Originally when he left, around 4 days before the end of November he said, "See you at the end of the month, I've got work to get done to pay the end of month bills". And at the time I really thought that would be it. But that was before I understood. And since he defenitely doesn't understand what is going on in his head I doubt he can guess if or when he will feel differently. Does that make sense?

As far as how much help he wants goes, I have made very small gestures, taken him minor theings and he has quietly thanked me. I did ask if he would like me to pick up anyhing from the shops when I go today and he said, "No I am just fine." I replied "I am sure you are" - even though I know he isn't!! Is that wrong of me? I am not about to argue with him. I am trying to act virtually in the opposite way I was before in terms of telling him what to do. I figure a good strategy is to offer information and possibly my opionion and then let him decide things himself... Am I on the right track? I respect he can make his own decisions. Just want him to feel safe to ask me for help to make any he is unsure of.

I am getting a feel for his boundaries and don't think I am pushing. I did flat out tell him that if anythign I do or say is not OK for him I want him to tell me and I promise I will stop and respect his wishes. He seemed surprised to hear me say that.

sorry, just realised I did a rather lonf reply in the quick reply box... still getting the hang of this forum, bit different to others I have been on
I look forward to your thoughts more on this Kathy. Evie has provided me with good insight already, profoundly what my sister also said. And I am looking forward to veiled's comments when she feels up to it.

Thanks.