Thankfully I have a positve step to report!!

After I had sent the message, and had no reply, although I said it was up to him and then therefore if I got no answer, in my calm state of mind I told myself to leave it at that, I needed to know he got my message. Maybe a bit of desperation. It hit me pretty hard to hear what a shocking day he had yesterday. So I called his phone. No answer, then I panicked. I think I have done a bit of that today. I realised nobody that I know of had even seen him today. I realised how doen he must be and that he is all alone. I don't have to say what I feared, I'm sure you all get what I mean.

So I decided to take Veiled's advice and take him a care pack, for his vomiting. I packed up dry crackers, electrolyte drinks. Sustagen (powdered energy shake), powdered Gatorade and some multi-vitamins. The I added a clean towel, some clean undies and clean socks. And off I went.

As I pulled up he was out the front with a couple of his "mates". Thank goodness he was OK (physically, anyway). He looked like "oh what is she doing here?" But as I pulled up he came to my door. He said "Just leave me alone" and I said, "I'm sorry, I will. I just thought some of this stuff may come in handy. But if you don't want to take it that is OK" He asked what it was. I showed him starting to cry a little. Then he said, "Thank you". I then said I would go as I don't want to push him. But he said, "Well, I can't send you away after you brought me that, can I?"

But I said, "You don't have to, I will go." He went on to say he needs his space etc and I told him he didn't have to explain, I am beginning to really understand. I said I was so sorry for everyone upsetting him so much, but they just don't get it. When I said that the GP just doesn;t get it, he told me he left there is tears. Poor darling.

I managed to waffle out a few lines about how I am doing so much reading and I am sorry how I used to tell hiom off and tell him what to do and how to do things (even though I thoiught I was helping, to get things done). I made it clear that I understand this PTSD beast a lot better now.

He told me he wished I got it before.

I told him how furious I was that the Psychiatrist didn't make sure we were properly informed.

He thanked me again for the care pack and then he added a few caring lines about looking after myself. He then also said he has been trying to get home but he is just so busy and needs a bit more space.

That is a posotve sign if you ask me. A bit more space sounds like maybe he is starting to come arpound.

I have hope of having him by my side for Christmas.

But I am still pertrified of what his mother is going to do. I have got to get my info sheet done TONIGHT so she has 2 days to read it and let it sink in before she flies into town. I hope she listens.