Hi everyone, it's been a while since I was last able to visit. I was pleased to see that the diary is up and running. I decided to post my story publicly because I want to share my experience with others that care enough to read about it and that understand the many sides of PTSD. I am now a mom of three girls, one of which is a 6 month old baby, so I won't be able to write everything at once, but that's what a diary is for, no? So, here it goes.

I think it was the year 1993...I had just turned 21 and was enjoying my life working as a waitress and partying the nights away. Believe it or not, I made good money and didn't have to be at work until 4 pm, and I took advantage of that! I loved the restaraunt I worked at, it was full of my friends, both employees and customers, life was good!

On Sunday night I was the last waitstaff working (I often worked double shifts and closing shifts) when a couple came in as I was about to close the doors. I had ordered my bloodymary already in anticipation of closing, and I could hear my bartended Alex mixing it expertly as I pondered serving them. It was five minutes until closing but I had no plans that night and didn't mind taking one more table. My bartender was still there, my busboy was there, the cooks were there and the new dishwasher was there too, it was his first night. I asked my manager Scott if it was ok to take them and he said sure, if I wanted to - so we were in business.

I lead them to the fourth of four tables leading from the door, directly in front of the windows, I think I remember it as being table 44 (I can't believe it was 13 years ago!)! I think I took and drink order and food order together after chatting them up a bit and my busboy Eric took them some still-hot chips and salsa (it still reminds me of this night every time I try to enjoy tortillia chips!). I decided to punch in the order on the machine in the kitchen so I could apologize to the cooks as I ordered. I was standing at the machine when I heard someone scream. As I look back, I think it was the female customer, but I was already going in to shock. As I left the kitchen to see what was going on, I saw a man jump over the partician that separated the dining area from the rest of the restaurant. When he did that, he knocked over one of the plants that sat on to of the partician, and I remember thinking, is he going to pick that up? The dirt on the carpet was like the Twilight Zone, it was never dirty - it looked so strange. The next thing i know, there is another man, yanking my bartender out of the bar. Alex is stammering and his hands are up and that's when I see the Mac - 10 to his head.