Thanks Bec. I think what you are saying is to not blame myself? I don't really, but have a thought that if nothing else subconsciously I am going to think that and I am aware I need to dig it out and get rid of it. I will not let my guilt that I know I should not feel destroy me.

Not going to see him now.

His mother is there trying to sort out the paperwork mess and I need to give her a ot of paperwork. But she has pleaded with me not to come as she does not want me to get more upset. She said I should save my dignity.In other words, that bloody other woman is there.

The anxiety was overwhelming me anyway. Doubt I could have made it. It means going to our house and I don't want to do that now.