SHE

How right you are. I left my home town as a very young woman and proceeded to live my life and manage to screw it up, some times beyond repair. That is a long story however for another time.

I moved back to my home town and my mom in 1991 for 2 reasons. The first one was I must confess selfish. I missed my mom but more important, I knew she was getting older and would be needing help. My sister has a life in upper Michigan with a job and a family, etc and she was not going to be able to help mom from way up there.

I was not exactly the best kid ever born and over the years caused mom more than her share of pain. I felt that I owed her a safe and comfortable life. She deserves to enjoy her life and not have to worry or fret for any reason. That is why I am here

I do all the cleaning, shopping, driving anything she needs and all she has to do is cook for me. I made this rule with her because it keeps her thinking and moving. She is still fairly sharp mentally, but she has her momments. I just don't think it is a good idea for her to nothing to do.

I am doing anything I can to repay her for all the time and love and energy and faith she has put into making me the person I am today.

This has put a tremondous strain on me. The agoraphobia is difficult to manage when she needs to go for lab test or doc visits. But it has its good side too. Pushes me to go out, pushes me to interact with people. I have to---got no choice. Sometimes I do get overloaded and I think that if you watch my writings here you can see when that happens.

I love and appreciate my mom beyond words. Do not know where I would be without her. She is my rock. Her support emotionally, as well as financially, when I was in the hospital was unreal. In fact, as time goes by we get closer and closer. Sometimes I feel that my illness has help our relationship. I know that sounds crazy, but by finally finding out why I did the things I did, etc, she has a better understanding. The insanity of my actions over the years makes sense to her and now she can quit assuming that she did a bad job of raising me. She now knows it is not her fault!!!!!!!

Believe me when I say I love my mom and appreciate every minute she is in my life. I don't think I can ever fully repay her for everything she has given me---and I'm not talking about "stuff"