Welcome to the forum JAZ, lovely to have you. I am most sorry for the loss of your baby. Having lost my son this past year, I have come to the conclusion that losing a child is the worst pain one can experience in life.
You and Tee have been through much pain and stress in a very short period of time. It is encouraging that you were both working on the relationship. I am uncertain why Tee "snapped" on Christmas Eve, however I would venture a guess. The holidays are a difficult and very stressful time for all, and with PTSD added to the mix, far worse. Even good stress can cause problems. So perhaps that is why. Hopefully, he may come round again after the holidays and things are back to normal.
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Originally Posted by JAZ Now he's more on the latter, that he wants to stay with me, but he's afraid that he's gonna hurt me. Apparently he's feeling rage so deep he's afraid he may put his hands on me and he's currently staying with his brother. He has done this in similar ways before, as I said before, but they werent like this. |
This concerns me. He may simply be worrying too much or catastrophizing and may never touch you or your precious little one. However, he may also be warning you legitimately that he feels he is losing control of himself. Only you can know for certain what is going on, as you are there with him and know him. I would suggest you not take any chances. You must protect yourself and your daughter. Perhaps given this aspect, it is a good thing he is staying with his brother at this time. Violent thoughts are nothing to fool with, especially in someone with PTSD who has not yet had much treatment. It does not mean he is a bad person; far from it. However untreated PTSD can be very nasty. Better to take precautions now than be sorry later on.
It is most encouraging that he wants to go to therapy or treatment at a later date along with you. That is positive. As others have said, therapy is needed for both of you. Are you in therapy yourself currently? Even if he does not join you, therapy for yourself, and/or medication, would be very wise, given the post partum. Do you have family or friends nearby who can be a support to you at this time? Regardless of his PTSD and so on, you need support as a new mother. I had post partum myself after one of my children and it not easy. Support from family and friends is crucial.
Please continue to write here as often and as much as you wish, ask any questions you wish. Merely writing out how you are feeling can be most helpful. Truly there are no easy answers to your situation, however I do suggest concentrating on yourself and your child as much as you are able. You are also important. Please take good care of yourself.