Critical Events

From time to time your child will be unintentionally exposed to PTSD symptoms of the affected parent. Families report a variety of circumstances in which their child may be affected. For example:

• The affected parent has had a disturbing nightmare and the child has been awakened and frightened by yelling or the crash of furniture.
• The affected parent has a flashback and tries to protect the child from a danger which the child cannot see or understand.
• The child approaches the affected parent from behind and touches them to ask for some help. This results in a startle response and an angry outburst directed at the child.

There will of course be other examples that you can identify in your particular circumstances but in each instance the general pattern of response to support your child(ren) is the same. Where possible talk about these possibilities in advance and agree that the non-affected parent or other adult in the home can assume a leadership role in these situations. Here are suggested steps for the non-affected parent to follow.

• Protect your child from further distress by removing him/her from the situation and helping to stop the reaction that is taking place. Help the affected parent to re-establish their orientation to reality and their sense of safety.
• Reassure your child that he/she is safe and the affected parent is going to be fine. Talk calmly to your child about what just happened and help them express their feelings about the event.
• Talk to your child about how and why this happened to help give an explanation to the events that they can understand.
• Where the child was the trigger/target of the event, let them know that it was not their fault and that the reaction was not appropriate. As soon as possible, have the affected parent talk to the child and take responsibility for the event, apologize for the upset and reinforce the message that it was not their fault. If the affected parent is still too upset to do this, speak on his or her behalf and try to have the conversation later when things are more settled.
• When things are settled down, set a time for the family to talk about what to do if this kind of thing happens again. In particular, give the child permission to say stop, move away from the situation and call for your help.

How Do You Know if Your Child is Under Too Much Stress?

Everyone experiences stress, including your children. It is a very important and natural part of life. It is important to remember that some stress is good because it helps us learn to cope with the tasks of everyday life. Stress becomes harmful to the physical and emotional health of your child when it is constant, unrelieved and overwhelming.

There is a broad range of physical and behavioural symptoms that you may notice in a child experiencing too much stress. The younger the child is, the less likely he or she is able to tell you about what is bothering them. Signs of stress are more likely to show up in a child's actions, such as in play or interactions with others. The key is to look for long term changes in your child's normal behaviours.

The following is a list of potential symptoms that may be exhibited by children under too much stress.

• frequent crying;
• fear of being alone;
• drop in school performance;
• inappropriate attention-seeking behaviour, temper tantrums;
• headaches, body aches, pains;
• regression to behaviour of younger child (e.g.) wetting the bed;
• worry and concern for others;
• speech problems;
• inability to concentrate;
• fear of strangers;
• nightmares or other sleep disturbances; and
• increased aggressive behaviours, angry outbursts.

If your child is exhibiting one of these symptoms, it does not necessarily mean they are under too much stress. However, if they are exhibiting several of these symptoms, and they continue over a long period of time; or they are exhibiting extremes of one or more symptoms, they are likely having difficulty coping with stress. If so, seek professional help to assess the situation and decide what to do.

Source: Veterans Affairs Canada