Kathy, you made the first step ! And I can imagine how you felt odd on being on the other side of the fence ! :) You have gone through a lot and still are with your other children, let them help you now !

I have heard that there are many stages in the grieving process. Know that your journey is not over, but you will learn how to live and deal with it ! And, he will always be with you in your heart !

I know that my cousin is now very angry at her son (I mentioned once that my cousin lost her almost 18 year old son in a car accident, in July of last year). He was speeding and was only a few minutes away from home, now she is very angry at him ! Thankfully, noone else was hurt but he never had a chance !

You are jealous of the way Jim is handling it ....but as Jim said " male pride" :) he is in as much pain as you are in, I am sure, but we all react differently, maybe next month Jim will need your support more ?

Worrying is part of being a parent :)....Your nightmares and dreams and the crying is all normal and part of your grieving process ! If you don't want to talk to anyone, if you are mad at people, all this is a normal part of grieving ! Don't put yourself down ! and certainly don't blame yourself for how and what you are feeling !