Well, I wouldn't say leave him because that is not necessarily the answer. That is only your decision. What I know from my experience though, is that I also used all the things you mention he does against the vulnerabilities of those in my life, ie. if you leave I will kill myself, etc. Because I was ill, people did take notice even though I wasn't going to do it. I exploited them because I wanted the sympathy.

Being a softy is fine, nothing wrong with that. I say be yourself.... all I add though is that if being yourself means being a doormat, maybe that is not a good attribute to have. Change that aspect and standup to him, maybe he may standup and take responsibility of himself them also! His action when you where ill that time just screamed pity, being the moment he "had" to help, he did so and lived through it all. The moment he could be lazy again, he took it and did so once again. It is those moments you can use to help your cause to get him to see what destructive behaviour he is doing for himself.

Again though, atleast you are out having your life now and not being as held back by him and his misery. That just isn't healthy for you, and you have enough unhealthy aspects already within that relationship I believe.... mostly from his doing, some from your doing. Chipping away though is still the best thing, and there is never a time limit on change....