Quote:
Originally Posted by upstream  Granted I'm not going to feel the same as a result of the Trauma, and some of my beliefs have changed... but can I actually become a worse person? I'm not as open and compassionate as I used to be, and I have thoughts that are foreign to me. I'm afraid to discover that I've turned into an inconsiderate asshole as a result of this... or boring and uninteresting. My friend says there's less energy to my character. |
Upstream,
When my symptoms hit the fan in mid-summer of 06, I felt the same way. Like I had lost a big part of myself to the PTSD. PTSD and all of the associated symptoms are great for covering up parts of yourself. And it's usually the parts you like best. So that leaves the parts you like least uncovered.
I did find through dealing with my traumas and learning how to live with PTSD in my life that most of 'me' has returned. There's still some parts that are gone or changed (i.e. trusting people like I used to, being able to do new things spontaneously, etc.). I don't know if this is permanent. The parts that did come back to me came slowly. It wasn't like one day I woke up and felt like the old me again. With every bit of work and every step forward a little came back. It was like a trade off-I get a little better...I get a little of myself back.
One thing you have to remember is that the symptoms of PTSD are energy drainers. Physical and emotional energy are burned at a tremendous rate when symptoms are high. It doesn't leave a whole lot of room for anything else in your life. And since there's not cure and the only treatment is managing of symptoms...we're left with doing what we can and having a life in spite of the shit that PTSD throws our way. Friends and family have to come to the realization that while, yes in some ways we have changed for good, we're still the same people we always were. And we have to realize it for ourselves, too.
Lisa