Kathy, his relationship with his father is distant. He doesn't talk about it much, but I know his dad was very hard on him growing up, didn't communicate unless it was yelling, etc. My h originally enlisted when he was 18 to "make dad proud." Apparently it backfired and when h told me the story three years ago, was still hurt enough by what his dad had said at the time that he cried in my arms. Broke my heart. Things are a little better now with the two of them since they have common ground (PTSD, combat, the corps...the two latter are pretty much all they talk about with eachother). MIL wasn't much help either. I think she got so caught up in FIL's problems that the kids took a lot of junk they shouldn't have had to. Also, her opinion is "It's the mom's place to love and praise. All the dad is supposed to do is make sure kids stay in line." That gives an idea of my h relationship with FIL.

Thank you for the link....I've read it and will try to keep mental notes in the back of my mind :)

Ruddy, thanks for your encouragement to discuss his actions' effects. Maybe if he can see that he can't just "isolate" everything, that it's not separate from the family, there'll be a better chance of him thinking about the situation at least. As a sufferer, could you suggest a way to approach the subject that would make you more inclined to listen? I don't want him to think I'm trying to nag or point fingers...then he'll just close off and I'll sound like the teacher on Charlie Brown.

Batgirl, like you, my h was diagnosed a few years ago, I believe in '02 from combat trauma in '01, though I could be a little off with the dates. It can get a little confusing since he's been to Iraq once and Afghanistan twice and doesn't talk about it. Before you decided to get help, did you find a way to live with it? What I mean is, do you get so used to having it that it seems you don't need the help or is it just a case of denial?


The difficult thing for me is finding the fine line between not pushing him to get help and not enabling him to stay the way he his. Things got bad for me this weekend. My head is not in a good, supportive place right now. I'm having a hard time finding motivation to understand, find ways to be supportive, research, etc. when he doesn't even seem to care that we're having problems. If it was just the two of us I think I could be more understanding (it's not what he does to me that bothers me), but every day I watch him hurt my son (emotionally) and by the time the little guy goes to sleep at night, I don't even want h to touch me. I feel very sorry that my h has this wound and know it's not his fault or a choice he made. Another part of me feels that while that is true, at some point he needs to be accountable for his actions, the choices he makes now and the way he treats other people. It's starting to make me angry that he's known for years that he had PTSD and does nothing. He watched what it did to his father and his family growing up, he's seen first hand the damage it does and chooses to do nothing. The fact that I'm getting angry is making me feel guilty. Are these feelings normal? Is it some kind of stage? Am I not being compassionate enough?