Hello again Msktay, lovely to have you back. Very good news that you husband is finally in inpatient treatment. Well done for helping him through that, I know it was a very long process for you both.

I seem to recall when we chatted last, that you had been diagnosed with PTSD and depression? Or I am recalling wrong? If that is so, Jim is correct, you do need to be in some form of treatment yourself, if you not already. I know you say you have a counselor, however I wonder if the counselor is suited to you, considering your diagnosis and what you have been through? Additionally if you have PTSD, you have support here, there are many sufferers upon this forum who will chat with you and be of support.

Why do you feel the counselor does not understand? Do you mean in the sense of not having been through the same as yourself, or do you mean that he is unqualified? You do need to be honest with a counselor, otherwise there is little point in going. Perhaps you should look into finding someone with whom you feel more comfortable?

Regarding the beatings and other abuse you endured, that is most serious. You do need to deal with it, for your own happiness and the longterm success of your marriage, as you say you wish to remain married. I have not been abused in exactly the manner you described; however when my husband was drinking he was verbally abusive, threatened to strike me and the children, and was also unfaithful to me. From personal experience Msktay, I know that hanging on to resentments is very damaging. Women's shelters often have programs with counseling for women who have been abused in this manner. Have you any such programs where you are? Perhaps try calling a local crisis line to see what is available?

It is indeed unfortunate that the in-laws are not being as supportive as you like or at all, however that is not uncommon. Jolene has given you some excellent advice in this regard. Perhaps also they are simply uneducated about PTSD and its effects on the entire family? How much do they know of what has gone on in your household? As you say, they are in Alabama and you in Alaska, that is quite a distance so obviously they do not see everything that is occurring between yourself and your husband. They only see what the two of you reveal to them! On the surface it may seem very much like your husband is the only one with issues. Do they know of the beatings, or other things you have gone through? Regardless, you must care for yourself whether you receive their acknowledgement or not.

I doubt he is thinking you are not worth it. It is very common to have suicial thoughts or ideation with PTSD, especially in the early stages of treatment. It may seem selfish however do remember your husband is ill, in much pain, and likely not thinking clearly. If he is suicidal, he is likely thinking about relieving his unbvearable pain, not hurting you. It is part of the illness and will improve if he works upon himself.

Please do keep posting here Msktay, and take good care.