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Originally Posted by msktaylor0207  my counselor does not understand because hes never been in situations like mine. hes a vietnam vet, so i know he understands those parts of it, but as far as being in my shoes, he could never understand. hes one of the top PTSD counselors in alaska, so i know im in good hands. |
Ah. Thank you for the clarification. However Msktay, as you say yourself, he is a top PTSD counselor in your area, so you should be as honest with him as you are able. To be frank, it is not necessary for him to personally identify with every aspect of your trauma / situation in order to be a good therapist. As long as he is able to guide and challenge you, and give you the tools to help yourself, that is sufficient. It is not necessary nor possible for him to understand everything. To use an analogy, if you had cancer and went to a cancer specialist, would you expect that doctor to have had cancer himself to fully understand and relate to you? Of course not. You would only want him to have the skills necessary to treat your illness. If your counselor has those skills, it does not matter in the slightest what he has experienced in his personal life.
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Originally Posted by msktaylor0207 i refuse to go to civilian womens shelters for the fact they are "victims" and they dont have programs that are associated with PTSD. my husband was not in any way shape or form, violent before iraq. and thats where our circumstances take different roads. im not a victim, and i dont have any resentments or hold blame against him. (to a certain extent). ive been searching for military wives, or people and programs that can relate a lot more then a civilian can. and to me, that means a lot. |
Do not fall into the trap of thinking everyone in your support circle must be in the exact situation as yourself to understand and/or support you. You may have noticed that upon this forum, there are no categories for different types of trauma, i.e., combat, rape, and so on. There is an important reason for this. As a military wife myself, I know there are some differences, however; to use myself and this forum as an example, I have derived just as much support and understanding from non-military individuals as I have from those with military experience. When it boils down to it, it matters not how we or our loved ones acquired PTSD. Others here have been abused by spouses, and their spouses were not in the military. If you look only to other military wives, you will be missing out on a wealth of experience. Additionally, by only associating with the military, you run the risk of concentrating on the wrong aspects, and ignoring the heart of the matter. And truthfully, no one, regardless of how similar their life story is to your own, can fully relate. We are all individuals.
It is up to you of course Msktay, and if you feel the women's shelter is not the the right place for you, that is valid. It may not be. However do make certain you are not judging others based solely on whether they have military connections or not. You are missing out if you are not open to
all who have suffered the effects of PTSD, regardless of the cause of trauma.
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Originally Posted by Msktaylor0207 sometimes they think a little too highly of his sisters husband, who was special forces and went to iraq. |
Whilst it is not correct, this makes absolute sense. With war occurring at the moment, anyone who is serving is automatically considered a hero (and rightly so!). It does not make your situation any easier, however it does explain matters somewhat. It is encouraging though that your husband supports you in this and admits his family is wrong. That is the important part.
Thank you for sharing the link. I will read it, though I suspect it is something I have already read, as I enjoy Patience Mason's writings immensely. I wish you much good luck with your trip, take good care.