Hi there Msktaylor,

You sound as though you are really hurting and feeling really alone, I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. My heart goes out to you.

But there are some things in your email that confuse me.. I am hoping it is okay to ask some questions... (they may not be the ones you want to hear).

Re: "I still havent met anyone who has been abused because of their husbands PTSD and flashbacks."

I am not at all familiar with combat related PTSD, so I might be off base here. But I do have PTSD from abuse, and I've been battling it for a long, long time so I'm familiar with most of the symptoms. I might be wrong here, but I am pretty sure that having PTSD does not make your husband abuse you. Rather, it makes your husband very, very angry and rageful - but he still has a choice as to what to do with that rage. If I am wrong there, somebody, please correct me. I think it is important not to let him use his trauma as an excuse for bad behaviour towards you.

Re: "i refuse to go to civilian womens shelters for the fact they are "victims" ."

Or, maybe could we instead see them as brave women who have taken an enormously positive, but difficult step, by fleeing violence and breaking free of the cycle of domestic abuse?

Another question... If this treatment program doesn't work, and your husband hurts you again after he has come home, are you planning to stay? Have you thought about some sort of deadline, after which you maybe say to yourself that you can't keep sacrificing yourself for his well being?

Very last question... Let's say the treatment works and your husband never harms you ever again... will you be able to feel safe with him?? I can't help thinking that it would hard not to be on edge and on guard, because once you've been hit ... you never really can know for sure that it won't happen again can you??

I'm sorry if this is abrupt, or makes you uncomfortable, it is not meant to be hurtful or harmful in any way. I hope you find a way out of your pain.

KM