As part of my healing, I made the effort to find a church that I felt comfortable in, and became a part of it... last May.

I got involved in the choir, in a couple of women's circles and in sunday school. (Way too much, I see that now.)

In December, I started having a recurrence of my worst ptsd symptoms. I think it had a lot to do with expectation about the holidays, but whatever the cause, I stopped going out. The last time I was in sunday school, I started crying because I hate feeling so blue over the holidays. People were sympathetic, and that only made me feel worse.

Now the women in my church groups have been sending me "get well" cards, and calling to check on me. I feel like I'm being stalked and attacked, even though I know that's not what they are doing. I won't answer the phone anymore.

I have started going to classes two days a week, so maybe that's part of it all too, I can only handle so much.

What really gets to me about this whole thing is that my wonderful husband, Tommy, enjoys going to church, and loves it when we go together. I feel like I have failed him YET AGAIN. He doesn't say that, he's very supportive and understanding.