Well you may get some flack Anthony as you say, however I agree with you and have found this to be true, with Jim and myself definitely. I also saw this in my social work profession, more frequently than not. There is a definite difference between those who abuse each other due to extreme stress, alcoholism, lack of communication skills and other factors, and those who abuse because they are predators. In the case of predators, I would say that one party is indeed a victim, however in many cases it is a two-way street as you mention. Counseling and healing for both is definitely necessary. Jim and I did so, I don't believe our marriage would have survived otherwise.