Thank you for all the kind things you are saying to me hun. I still dont feel them but its nice to hear something positive for a change instead of only the negative thoughts i have about myself. It really is.

I didnt have particularly have good vibes from her when i first went in there. I couldnt have cared less who i was speaking to - anyone would have done. Even if they couldnt have helped. Just listening helps. But i broke down almost straight away. Once we got really into it i did get good vibes from her though. She told me about a personal issue she had herself which must have been devastating for her but right now i dont see how anything could be as bad as what people with PTSD have been through. Maybe that sounds self centred but i dont mean it to. I just havent ever had to experience anything worse than this, so even if there was anything worse i wouldnt be able to imagine or comprehend it.

You are right though - i feel like a bus has just hit me. So tired and drained and exhausted. I was going to try to go back into work tomorrow ( i also tried this morning but didnt manage even the journey to work). Not sure that i will have recovered from today though. We'll see. I love teaching and being with the kids is great. they really do take my mind off things and are great people. Its just all of the out of class room stresses i cant handle like reports and people asking me how i am. However i watched the Italian Job the other day and they say that "fine" stands for Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional. so maybe i can say im fine and mean it. they dont have to know what i mean deep down. Today must have also been very stressful on the counsellor too though.

I was on meds but came off as i have a phobia of drugs due to my trauma. I sooo dont want to go back on them. I know they helped me an awful lot while i was on them but it was a last resort and i just cant go down that route again. Also trying to get pregnant but then i dont know how healthy it would be for me to have a baby if im so depressed. I believe it can transfer to the baby?

i know what you mean about the bile festering inside and u give me hope that one day it will sink in and wont be so bad. Thank you.

So many of your ideas sound like worth trying. Never done CBT but maybe this counsellor can start that with me as she is also a hypnotherapist. I doubt well get it done in 6 sesssions though. Maybe ill buy a book on it.

Love the post it note idea. i cant really do it with post its because i dont want my hubby knowing how i feel. Dont want to burdon him. Dont want him to get stressed and leave me although we do have a lovely realtionship. Just cant talk to him or anyone else. Maybe that why i can talk to a counsellor - no other option? I think i will try writing the positives and negatives down in a book though. thanks.

I have read a little about guided imagery - i have a post about a great book i read on ptsd and it was mentioned heavily in there. I gave it to a friend who needs it more than me though so ill go and buy another copy. Any ideas on where i might get guided imagery sound fiels? - could maybe put them on my mobile phone and listen to them at work.

As for drinks, i dont think im doing myself any favours there. i have drunk over 2 litres of coke (sometimes caffeine free) per day for over a decade. I will make a real effort with tea now tho. I'm so desperate ill try anything no matter how bad it tastes.

And i dont help myself with exercise either so theres soemthing else i could change. Although i do walk for miles and miles at work.

Baths arent my thing so maybe theres an alternative for the shower - will keep an eye out.

Hmm diet - yes i certainly do that - dont eat much at all lol.

Housework - yeh its a chore but i know youre right. Will try and throw myself into that.

I did have agoraphobia but that seems to have virtually disappeard now though and i love retail therapy. Not sure hubby would want me to be spending more money on even more things like that lol. Something im already very good at.

All your recommendations have been ever so helpful. cant thank you enough.

Sorry about giving you all the details of what i will and wont try but i hope it will serve as a reminder of what aims i have set myself today and will jog my memory to do them when i read back pver my posts.

I really cant thank you enough. Same goes to everyone who has replied to my original post.

Take care veiled hun (hope you dont mind me calling you hun)