Hiya Amazonbelle

As sufferers of PTSD we often find than immersing ourselves in an activity can be a coping strategy. It keeps us to keep so busy that we have little time to think and we like that. I am not saying, however, that this was the only reason you enjoyed church or that it was your reason for joining. however, it is a good thing to face our fears and immesing ourselves in something can be a way of avoiding the confontation of those fears. lord knows i have done that so much myself.

We can also sometimes not be good at facing people who care for and are concerned for us and therefore break all ties - something i again have done a lot. Just another way of avoiding our worst fears.

I know that i also get very paranoid at times and assume that someone is only feigning interest in order to get hold of gossip - Is that something you do or not? I try to tell myself that it is just my paranoia again

You are right that we can anly handle so much. - Search for the post on the cup of PTSD - it rings true for me and so many others.

What i am saying is that it is good to face your fears. this is something i have already learnt from the very few days i have been on this forum. But i also know that it is incredibly difficult to face them from my personal experience today. But i do believe that confrontation and dealing with things is the fastest way to recovery no matter how hard.

What i am not saying is that you shoudl confront your fears now - that is something you have to decide for yourself. Perhaps it is not the right time or place. perhaps it is still to hard for you to do.

I know your hubby has joined the site too and i am sure that he would agree with me (even tho i do not really know him) in saying that he would not expect you to pretend that you were ok with going to church if you werent really. So you have not failed him - you are just being honest about your feelings towards going to church. I'm glad that you have such a good husband to support you in this.

Personally i would love to go to church but feel i am unable to becasue i would just break down into pieces and i couldnt stand that in public. I am trying very hard to face my trauma and although i do not like doing it what so ever i know that it is the right thing for ME to do. Maybe once i have worked this through i will be able to face going to church or maybe i will feel that i do not need to. Besides i believe that if you want to worship then you dont HAVE to go to church.

Take care and thinking of you