Hiya cherryblossom
You are right in saying that i have received so much great help from people here. I'm not used to it at all but im so glad that people on this site are such wonderful people. So this is a big thank you to everyone who has posted. Cant put how grateful i am into words properly though. Thank you all for understanding - i know you do and now dont feel alone with this.
Cherry you say you dont have any words of wisdom but you have already proved otherwise. Please know that.
I know i shouldnt beat myself up about things but i guess its a habit i have got into - a hard one to break - but i really will try my best not to becasue its not a nice feeling.

As for doing well at helping myself - it doesnt feel like it but i know its what i have to do to have a chance at any sort of a normal life. So no matter how hard - ill keep on hacking away at it.

Make sure you take care too