Mightsurvive,
I hate to say this, but many people did the same as me, let me share. I picked a very dirty type person and let him screw me, I cried the whole time, but "I" let him, he did not take me. For some reason afterwards, after meaning about a week of feeling incredibly dirty, it did give me empowerment. I would never do it again, but it helped.
Others I've spoke to say pretty much the same.
He, did not take you, you did not allow him to, and you are clean.
Touching the body by force is awful, but he never touched your soul, just screwed up your mind. Unfortunately we are getting screwed over and over because of flashbacks, and it has the feeling that "they" the abusers are always winning.
However, they are the screwed up ones, and many will never see the afterlife, for which I am eternally glad to know I will not have to spend eternity with them, just this one little life.
But he never ever touched your soul. It's as clean and pristine as the day you were sent down from God, (hopefully you do believe in God, though I can't wait to have a one on one with him and straighten shyt out with him, lol) and your soul will eternally shine in love and beauty.
You can take as many baths or showers as you wish, your dirt of yesterday exists solely in your mind now, not in your body. Try taking candles and soft music and do a ritual, indian style, native american that is, I am a shaman in the Cree nation and my name is White Wolf, burn some incense or sage, and pray that your mind understands that you are not dirty, that your soul, and that is what matters in life, is a clean today as it has always been.
Yes, I had my dirty feeling days long ago, and I am thankful they are gone. Each flashback I had, kind of purged the dirty feeling, anger took its place. I have hit many a punching bag with many faces to purge alot of my anger, walked twenty miles or more in rage to rid myself of anxiety due to over adrenalinized anger, and finally got myself to realize, they are the dirty ones. Tarnished souls that will never ever be cleansed, and I am glad.
Write me a privately in here if you want and maybe I can help you start to feel clean. I know the feeling, I would pop every zit, (still do) because the first popped one reminded me of semen coming out of me.
Other then your pores, your sweat and your every day grime of a dusty world, after a good shower, you are clean in body, and will forever be...
Try this technique and let me know how it turns out. With deep concern, dljwhitewolf