Okay, meet some of my old friends. Control, I love him the most. Hyper vigilance, he keeps me safe. Karate, she let's others know with her eyes, she is not happy and can strike at any time. Innocense, she left me when I was three, I haven't met up with her again as yet.
Now meet the ones I want. Love, it's been since my brother's death since I saw that shadow. Friends, I've about given most of them up, they just don't get it. But I miss them dearly.
Comraderie, other like minded spirits I can prance around with.
No one on God's green earth can hurt me unless I "let" them, and even then, I may not admit it, though I am getting better.
No one can say or do anything to me I do not wish to partake in.
If I wish to hold in all of my thoughts, and keep my opinions and thoughts to myself, bottom line, I will explode, I am an extrovert by nature, a hermit by environmental factors, sometimes the two do mesh.
Ask yourself a question. What are the parts of life you want most, then ask, what part of the ptsd is preventing that from happening.
I bet there is a huge connection.
I separated from people long ago due to having my father and brother having and dying from Huntington's disease. They were the two people I only loved in this world, and the two people who God chose to take from me.
I figured at an early age, if you love them, they will die. But, that was a child's way of thinking.
I know believe I was the luckiest person in the world for having those two precious people in my life, and looking into others lives, seeing they have nothing like I had, I feel more sorrow for them, then they could ever feel for me.
If I want love, I need to free my reigns on control enough to give the other person what I have demanded all of my life, respect.
It was a heartache to do, you see control was my best friend, my most wicked enemy we were one in the same.
I will always feel in control, even when I am lying to myself, like now, I have given control up, just a tad,,,,,,,,,,,but no one was looking. lol