You've been the mill and back again and returned because you knew he wasn't any older then the age he was when he went to nam. Sounds like he got stuck in an age, and you became his mom.
I am happy for you to have gotten the love of beautiful childern, you do have a purpose and that was and is to show those children what real love is. Not every child is born to the right parent, and not every parent gets the right child, but God works his magic so that some day it makes sense before we leave to that grand stand in the sky.
I would say your path was for those children, and the adult part of you was to help them relate to those who are stuck inside a hell in their mind not knowing their might be a way out.
I always wished I had my father survive, and that my mom would have been the one to die at a young age.
Your children are lucky that mom survived her hell scathe but loving and caring and nurturing and one day they may understand somewhat of what their fathers hell consisted of.
This site is good to gain knowledge overall, like what your husbands mind must be like.
I'm am very thankful for all I've gone thru that my mind did not split into a multiple personality, most books I read on it don't even cover the amount of abuse I withstood unwillingly.
I hope you find comfort here, you deserve a good rest, pull up a chair,,,,,,lol
I have the one by the fire place doing sudoku....there's one free by me or by the bay windows.