AmazonBelle,

I could have written your post about myself!

We moved to a new, smaller town about two years ago to aid in my recovery (which did help) and started attending a new church. I got way overinvolved for the 1st month, attendance 3x/week, women's group, etc. After a couple months I crashed, couldn't go, and people kept calling to inquire. I would try to show up about once a week, and if I'd miss one time they'd call.

I know in my head somewhere that is normal and right and what you want from a church family, caring and concern about your personal life. But somehow in my ptsd-head it felt intrusive. I just wanted to be left alone!

Every once in a while I try to recommit myself to attending at least once a week without fail, but it never lasts for long. I do seem to average going at least twice a month, sometimes three times.

I finally realized I cannot go twice on Sunday, just simply cannot, if I expect to function on Monday. Due to my dh's schedule, I always try to make it on Sunday night to take my kids to their youth clubs when he is at work. That's my commitment level -- get the kids to youth and stay for that service.

When there's a need to sign up for delivering a dinner to an ill person's family, I do sign up for a day very convenient for me where I'll have the whole day to cook and the whole day before to shop for the ingredients. But I get nervous about meeting the commitment the few days before.

Anything above that is gravy, and I just don't beat myself up about it anymore. I can only do what I can do, and pushing myself to do more has more negative consequences than the positive benefit of whatever I had managed to do.

FLF

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