Well, firstly, you have a name to what you are going through, that should lessen the burden eventually. You have come to a place where you are not alone, and where others understand from experience exactly where you are now.
I hated the fact that I needed meds., I thought sure, one more way of being controlled, but that is not the case. I see my meds as tools to help me cope with the unbarable reality of my complex post traumatic stress disorder.
When mine started, ptsd, it came in as the darkest depression imaginable, it happened two years in a row, about the same time, and I thought I was losing my mind until the flashbacks came.
At least then I knew what it was all about, and that it was a medical condition that needed special help.
I hope you feel at home here, many are in the same boat as you, I've had mine since 25 and 26, now I am 44, female, and much better equipped to help myself.
It's just a name, you are more important than it.
Donna-Lynne