Wow. Thank you all.

dlross... a 'ritualistic feel' is common in self-harm too. I had that too. I found security in that. You say it is a way of being 'intimate' with yourself, and I can both identify but also find that interesting... I'm not sure why at the moment, but something strikes me about that sentence.

She Cat... interesting also how you could not understand cutting and your friend could not understand attempted suicide! Like you wisely said, the issue is in quite a large part, expression. So there are similar underlying issues amongst self-harmers, suicide attempts, anorexia, alcoholism, anger, etc. It is how we deal with things that is essential.

Ruddy... yeah control over our own bodies and lives is important in self-harm. Well, in life really. I understand what you mean by how anger triggered the self-harm and how you felt like the rage would 'take you over' if you didn't. I smiled when you said about piercing ears. I'm the same, a paper cut makes my eyes water!

Morgan, thank you for sharing. And well done to you, and all the others who have replied to this post by looking inwardly. I believe it is only through this that change within ourselves could ever occur.

Thank you Anthony also. I would be so happy if anything I have posted could help somebody overcome this. It would make my scars worth something.

Nicolette... Thanks too. Yes, it was a little scary 'exposing' myself like that. But I have lived with the secret for so long, and I suddenly realised the other day that I really feel self-harm is in my past. For some reason I no longer feel such shame towards it, and I really felt that it would be nice to mark all this with a post, which to be honest, I decided to do when I read a post in PTSD Only, who made me realise that this issue is something still needing education, attention, and talking about to help those suffering in silence. When I read that I thought perhaps try to do something about that myself.

Also, yes... about your point of me reading how it seems to have helped others. Even if just a little, it gives me a sense that whatever negative, awful experience I may have gone through, once through it, I realise what a gift it can be for ME if I turn it into something positive by maybe helping someone else... it makes me realise that to not do this would be a great disservice actually, considering I was someone who for so long, would have benefitted greatly from talking to someone who had overcome self-harm. Thanks for highlighting that for me.

& Claire, thank YOU for making me realise this the last few days also.

Additionally, continuing to live in my shame of self-harm would be in a way, continuing to self-harm and refusing to heal myself fully. So this post was as much helpful to me as it may be to others. The work doesn't stop once you stop self-harming. Similarly, as Anthony has said it doesn't stop once you stop suffering symptoms of PTSD either. But it doesn't mean that you can't turn something awful and harrowing into something positive and useful for yourself and others around you.

Goingonhope... you particularly touched me... Thank You! I applaud your newfound understanding... it takes daring to read, daring to think about, and daring to look inwardly to do this. You can't understand or overcome anything without taking that dare, which you have done. I feel absolutely priviliged to have been able to aid your understanding... and in awe of your bravery, because of your fear opening up all your trauma's, pains and anguishes by facing this subject. Good job!

Thanks again everyone. I'm pleased I did this now