I think it's a matter of degree.

It's a given that at present you're not enjoying sex with your husband.

Now, you say you don't "want to", but that you otherwise unreservedly love your husband, right? You'd not be the first wife who gets nothing out of sex but went along with it anyway for years if not decades. But that's not the issue.

The question is, for you is it merely a neutral event personally that is mildly bothersome but that you agree to, as you know it's a really big deal for your husband? A modest self-sacrifice if you will, but at a trivial level.

Or, are you aware of it causing you harm, mental anguish or some form of reliving earlier trauma? My view is that if you're not aware of it awakening earlier memories (like the book reading you mentioned, which confirms that those memories can indeed be readily enough awakened), really I think it's not only a neutral activity for you but even has the potential of being a mildly positive one (which with time just might help to replace your earlier problem memories).

Now the obvious thought comes up, what might improve matters where you and your husband could turn this neutral level of interest on your part into something more positive? Have you two explored this at some length, perhaps including counselling, or sort of given up after a short while? And, sometimes the woman's enjoyment has totally nothing to do with technique but just the relationship as a whole (eg. his 'doing his share' in housekeeping if you both work, the presence of a consistent and ongoing loving relationship full of thoughtfulness and respect, etc.).

Don