A beautiful analorgy - thankyou!

I have pushed the first man that I have ever loved away from me - a good man with a loving good heart - I tested him to the limit and he kept coming back for more then when I had pushed so much that he found it unbareable I pushed him away forever.

He still loves me and I still love him - but I never truly trusted him - mainly his intrentions - although now I can see that he did indeed love me! We are 'friends' at the moment but I feel that our chance of sharing a life together has slipped away - he does see the real me but I think he is afraid that he 1. can't give me the support he feels I need and 2. is concerned that my turn around is temporary.

I do understand his concerns and they are valid but I also no that I deserve to have someone in my life who can love the whole of me.

This disorder has robbed me of so much - or perhaps I have allowed it to. As many on here have said now that I have reference about my condition I can heal more effectivley by understanding the symptoms and by also taking responsibility for my actions, behaviours.

I think my initial feeling was as I said 'Alone' no-one to truly share this with who could make me feel safe - I have been alone for so long - always living life by myself - but I know I have also engineered that!

The reality is that my very 'being' is sick - sick with the memories, sick because of the wrongs others have inflicted - sick from self - abuse and sick and tired of life being such a struggle. No more sickness! Time to heal!

Thank you
Vicky