Thanks Anthony. I have calmed down a little since this morning - I realised how stressed I was when someone just asked me if I was going to dinner - I haven't even done lunch yet! Oops.

One bit of more positive news - I have made an appointment with a private stress and trauma clinic. Unfortunately it is on the day I start back at work, so I e-mailed my line manager and told her I'll need the afternoon off! Feels almost like I'm taking the ****, but it can't be helped.

I'm hoping that I may get a professional opinion on how I can best manage my return to work. I can then take this to my employer, who will be obliged to work with this advice, or they will be neglecting their duty of care towards me as their employee.

Obviously, I am also hoping that the doc may actually diagnose me with something, or at least give a "ball-park" opinion. She sounded quite nice on the phone, saying that the assessment would be upsetting and tiring etc - it felt like someone was giving me some straight-talk for once.

So, the plan is, to take care of myself, go to this doc, then reassess things after that. Does that sound sensible? I'm trying really hard not to wind myself up thinking about all the what ifs..

Oh - and what really got me this morning - how the hell did I not lose my rag when the Hr person said "with illnesses like depression etc, the hardest thing is getting up and motivating yourself to get to work. Once you're there, you'll be fine"

makes my blood boil!!!!! What planet is she from?