Thank you though for explaining the situation with a couple of examples. That certainly helps me to understand better. As my daughter (batgirl) mentioned the question was a bit general. I can relate to the situation about your alcoholism, though I am on the opposite "side", as it is my husband with alcoholism, though he stopped drinking years ago. Whilst drinking he cheated on me, and even though the matter has long been resolved I must confess I occasionally will bring up the cheating and any other past transgressions of his as a way of "winning" any arguments we have. It is definitely not fighting fair and I am trying to stop. I cannot speak for your situation as I don't know all the details. However for my own, I have had to work upon myself, as it more my problem than my husband's. I am currently examining why I am still resentful and why I feel the need to bring up matters which occurred years ago. In any event I do now realize it is a way of manipulating my husband into doing what I want.

If you would like, I am more than happy to admit you to private carers. It is a private area of the forum for carers only. You may speak freely there as no one with PTSD sees the contents of that forum and it is completely confidential.