Andrea, go easy on yourself. Beating yourself up time and time again, dwelling on the past and all the things you may or may not have done wrong in the past won't help you in the now or in the future. As hard as it is to do (believe me, I know it's hard), you have to let go of the past and look to the future. Gosh, if I had to relive the past every day, I'd be in some insane asylum, eyes fixed and glazed over, being non-communicative every second of every day.

If you aren't in counseling yourself, my suggestion is to do it. You won't be able to help your husband if you aren't helping yourself. If you aren't well mentally as well as physically you can't possibly care for him to the fullest extent! If you are spiritual, lean on that. Pray to whatever God you believe in (if you do believe). But don't beat yourself up.

There's a saying that I firmly believe in: Let go and let God. Because that's what we have to do when we want to make a change...let go.

Oh, and also the Serenity Prayer...

Hang in there and know that it WILL get better. You may be going through the worst of it now. There are brighter days ahead!