tude, I've done that very same thing, for the same reasons, no less than a 1000X and likely more. 1st joined as a member of a 12-step meeting 20yrs. ago, in fact.

A great suggestion and one worth following through with. When I journal, at the end of it all, I've sorted through much and identified what I am feeling and why, it has the effect upon me of gaining personal insight, a greater self-understanding and an increasing like, compassion and mercy for myself.

Much of my trauma on my list was fueled by things like others self-disregard and loathing, another's jealousies, fears, untreated illness and unresolved pers. trauma.

I was retraumatized when I later witnessed any of those mirrored dynamics in 12-step meetings. It was a constant restimulation and retraumatization when and if I dared to speak, or when and if I kept my mouth closed as I had all through my life-time of abuse and trauma.

As a PTSD sufferer, when it was my desires to get outside of myself and/or to alleviate some traumatic pain and lonliness, I've yet to find a 12-step meeting suited for accomplishing this. Yes, I have found a very few people that understand there and not one of us are threatened nor hurt by one another. In fact, they understand all too well.

tude, there is no doubt in my mind that you in fact did make yourself very clear. As I've said, it took me 20yrs. to cross paths with and/or come to know simply a few people in my 12-step meetings that understand me, my ptsd, my feelings and thinking and any of my trauma. While here within the forum, it has taken me little to no time at all to connect, to understand and to know that others understand me as well.

So, bc of my self-diagnosis and the feared risks involved for me in not attending my 12-step meetings, I go, but I go with an attitude that my higher power and I are the best it gets for reliable support. So I continue to go on far less occassion to listen for the three-fold description of my comorbid disease described and/or to offer support and service when I can't.

I'm keeping in check that illness in those meetings. I'm confronting my trauma and PTSD with a therapist when it is permitted, as she has a lot to learn IMHO. And, I'm journaling, taking healing actions and asking for support here within the forum for my PTSD. And, I can't wait until my self-confidence and abilities to think straight, for longer periods of time, builds in such a way, that I too will be able to give away much needed help and support that we all here need and deserve.

You'd think so tude, wouldn't you. I would too. But far to often they don't, and when they do they're usually too fearful to say anything. IMHO, so many are encouraged to chase the wind, along with others, and don't ever come near touching the kind of honest self-examination, de-numbing and permission to feel, and allow others to feel as well, that permits them to relate to anything but substitute faulty-coping mechanisms.

tude, I'm too tired to review any of what I've written here, and I will say that there is always the possibility of me not being thorough, so I really hope this helps, if only a little, and doesn't hinder any. Also, it doesn't come easy for me to share what I've shared here bc as far as recalling and being reminded of others responses to my trauma and post-trauma, in ongoing fellowship 12-step meetings, I'm yet to be able to think straight enough through that burden of secondary pain, as well as, additional trauma, and my error, to be able to speak of, release and examine so much of many of those 20yrs.

Hope