HI all.
I am new here. I am hoping you all might be able to offer some advice to me because I am feeling very confused. My boyfriend and I have been dating for around two years. Before we began dating, he was in Iraq for a year tour. After we had been dating for a year and a half, he had to go for another tour...this time it is for 15 months. He is currently seeing a counselor (just began) and I personally think he has PTSD (even though I don't necessarily state that until a proper diagnosis has been made).

We had a great relationship...enjoyed spending time together, hardly fought and were so in love before he left. Even while being gone, we communicated regularly by email and talked on the phone once a week. Even though he was so far away, I never felt such a distance in my heart. Two months after he was there, he started talking to me about rings and discussing me within his future decisions. I was never the type to pressure him about the future (getting married or what not). However, we felt stronger than ever.

When he came home for R&R though, things turned upside down. He proposed to me and everything. However, I physically watched him go through things that weren't himself. He was very anxious, it was hard for him to be around a lot of people, he was depressed (hard to get out of bed esp in the a.m. and so forth), etc. He got so worked up that when he came back to be with me again from being at his home (after I left) where his parents reside...it got worse. He got very depressed and all. He ended up telling me he thought we should push the engagement off because he didn't understand what was wrong with him. That one day, esp, was harder than any other.

He told me that he realized the other thing he had felt daily over in Iraq was anger. Yet, says that he knows he cares for me. He has decided to get out of the army, but is so overwhelmed with where his life is going that it isn't funny. The day we pushed off the engagement, it was very sad. I cried and for the first time ever...so did he. He even got on the phone that evening with his father and started crying again. I had never seen him like that out of all the years I've known him.

He has been to the counselor a couple of times, but I feel at a loss. I know something really is wrong---this is not the guy I knew. He has been through a lot. His brother was in a terrible accident 6 months before his first deployment (I knew him then...but we werent bf/gf). So, I think he put that aside...bc the first time being in Iraq...he was out all the time...seeing things I know I'll never see in my lifetime). This time, he is on staff, but I don't understand how all this happened suddenly.

I don't know how to feel or how to help. He is angry at himself that I am hurting and needs me to be strong. I am trying, but am hurting myself.

I feel on eggshells sometimes because I know he needs me to be strong and can't give me a lot of answers when he doesnt even understand things himself. I know our relationship was not an illusion and we were very happy.

Please give me your advice.

Thanks,
confusedgirl