I'm just giving an update for those of you who asked:

I spoke to my councilor and she told me that some people need to know and others can live with not knowing. The choice is mine and she said she can't predict weather finding out the truth will cause more problems.

I decided that I want to know the truth so it doesn't creep up on me later. I called an aunt that was around me when I was young. I told her the feelings I was getting and that I thought I was molested. I asked her if she knew anything.

Immediately she gave me the name X, and I said, "Do you know something specific about him doing something to me?" She backed off and then said, "Everything she herd was hearsay and it wasn't about me it was about all kids".

This left me confused as to why she was so very confident at first, and then backed off. I wondered if she was scared to tell me or if it was hearsay?

I mentioned that I knew my grandfather sexually abused my mom and her siblings and that I stayed alone with him on several occasions but don't remember anything except for one night I was sleeping on the floor with my sister and two brothers and dreamed I was choking. When I woke, my grandfather was standing by us. He asked what was wrong and I was crying stating I had a nightmare that I was choking on something.

He tried to comfort me by getting me to sit on his lap while he was in only boxer shorts. I started struggling to get away from him because I wanted my sister not him to comfort me. I literally had to break free from him.

After telling her this she said she knew that my grandfather was that way to his kids, but still maintained that X would have been the one who molested me if she had to guess.

I'm not sure how I will go about getting this info. I am in the process of trying to get a hold of another aunt and I will be asking my uncle (that wasn't around me when I was young) But I will ask him if my dad ever told him anything.

I feel certain I can handle what ever I learn, it's just a matter of time before the whole thing surfaces.

Thanks for all of the replies
Tammy