Hi Awakening, She Cat, and et all, thanks for the support. I hadn't considered that it would be difficult for others to pursue this. I am feeling a little unsure about calling people out of the blue and asking them such questions. But this is one sure way to get to the truth, as I am a little skeptic on hypnosis after doing some research.

I read about repressed memories here on the forum and there was a statement about "get the facts from other people" or something to that effect. I just decided that is the route to take first.

One thing that caught my attention about that post is that Nam mentioned that the age you first feel the memory is the age the perpetrator was. This is very revealing because the first time I remember the feeling I was 32 and pregnant. This would have been the age range of X. But also there are others in that age range that could fit the description.

I told my rape councilor about the one incident with my grandfather and she told me that could be the reason I got so upset when I seen my son in boxer shorts. I had to tell my son not to run around the house in boxer shorts and blamed it on my daughter being at an age where she is curious. He didn't have a problem with it. I didn't want to go into why "I" didn't want him wearing them without pants or shorts so it was better just to tell him it was for my daughter. I don't like lying to him but he doesn't need to know all this crap as he has seen enough of my problems. At the time I told him this I didn't make the connection about my grandfather wearing only boxer shorts, my councilor pointed it out. (My grandfather's intentions could have been sincere, but I have no idea)

I guess the deeper I dig the more I keep finding. I have at least 15 things I need to deal with already. See (trauma diary) and don't have the time to invest in it all.

I need to pay attention to my family and feel some guilt that I'm always working on my issues.

Thanks for everyone's support and input.
Tammy