Hi Jen,

Welcome to the forum. I know exactly where you are coming from. I often cannot do anything right, in fact as I write this I have just walked out of the bedroom as he was starting to insult me about the process of making a bed - for heavens sake!! I usually just try and get away from Anthony when he is in one of his moods, which he has been in quite a lot lately. Thankfully I work full-time so that means I am out of the house more often than not, mind you that is also a reason for him to get peeved at me. Not home enough, don't do enough when I am here, untidy, don't spend much time with the baby.........and the list just goes on. It can be hard on your self esteem.

As you have identified, communication is also hard. I really don't have the answer to that one, we struggle with that, although he was a lot better after we completed the PTSD course - he appears to have regressed. It used to be that I would make myself physically sick when I had something unavoidable we had to discuss. It is not quite that bad now but still stressful. I wish that those with PTSD would realise that by talking about things, in a constructive manner, it eliminates a lot of the stress. Perhaps like you have said, the break may do both of you good. I wish Anthony would bugger off for a bit. I have tried to convince him to go to his parents for a break or go and visit one of his mates with PTSD so he can vent but no luck so far!

Crankiness,from my experience is part of the package with PTSD. Anger is an emotion and often times the stress and frustration that they feel comes out in anger. It is quite often not anything you have done or didn't do but that look that you get from them sends the opposite message. I have found that telling Anthony that his anger is his issue, not mine, sometimes puts him back in the box.

Do you have children? Do you know of the support groups in Townsville? And what help, if any, does your husband get for himself? Actually, that is one the biggest things that tick me off about those with PTSD - I am all for accepting that they have an illness and sometimes they need to be cut a little bit of slack but when they deliberately do not take care of themselves, I get angry. In my opinion that is selfish because it impacts on those around them, if they were only hurting themselves go hard I say.

Anyhow, I don't know about the business but you said that it can be managed by one person so two would allow your husband scope to rest if he needs it. Some advice though watch him and make sure that he doesn't overload himself. They will do that, then fall in a heap because the stress is too much. It can be a form of escapism for them like alcohol, drugs (etc), if you can help him keep it balanced it would be good for both of you. Try and encourage him to take care of himself even if you get out of the house to go for a walk, its fresh air, raised serotonin levels (feel happy hormone - and its free!!) and exercise. Its all good!!

You are right to stand up to him and not let him talk to you like you are in the Army. Like Anthony said there is no depogramming for ex-military personnel and those with PTSD need it the most. Again, from my experience you just need to pick your battles otherwise you end up living in a war zone, literally. It was really hard for us for a while, we are both pigheaded, both Army (I am still in) and we would just go toe-to-toe over everything and I mean everything. Way too stressful for both of us, although it hurts our pride we are starting to find a little middle ground where we can say we don't like something but in a more constructive way. Having said that I am quick to point it out to Anthony when he steps over the line and he me.

Well Jen, a long winded post, I don't think Anthony and I can profess to know all of the answers but we are working our way through the minefield that is PTSD like you. Hopefully our experience and honesty will help others like yourself feel less alone. Feel free to vent here anytime you like, Anthony is usually on the computer until all hours anyway. Take care of you.