Andrea,

Honey you need to start looking after you. I can see the anguish in your posts, I can see that your heart is breaking and I hear that you blame yourself for your husbands PTSD. Only you and/or he really know what is at the bottom of that. If you truly believe that you are responsible for causing his PTSD then you need to get help. Or perhaps its low self esteem and you still need to get help with that. You can't help him, you can't fix the marriage in the state that you are in.....your posts tell me that your mind is in whirl and it would be a rare moment if you allow yourself to take a deep breath and STOP. By helping you it will help the marriage and your husband. I'm going to give it to you straight, something that was told to me just recently.......nobody, not you, not me, not any of us have the power to decide whether someone stays with us or goes. That is purely their choice. We don't have to like it but thats fact. I suggest that he just needs some space and you need to do some healing. He is telling you in the only way that he can, that he is unwell and needs space and your turmoil is making it hard for him to get that space. I can almost guarantee that he is feeling overwhelmed with need to help himself while witnessing your distress.

Don't take this as another reason to feel guilty and beat yourself up. I used to be the master of self flagellation but you have to give it up sometime, its too emotionally draining. Andrea, you need to take care of you, deal with your turmoil and the self-esteem. Its obvious to me from your posts and I'm not living with you.