Pastrychef - You spoke as though you knew us. You're right - our relationship has had a long history of doing that push/pull. And he does seem to find some kind of enjoyment out of provoking my emotions. Although, he'd deny it.

Just the other day, when he called (he's been distant for going on a month now) and he said that he knew I was mad at him for having not called latley. I just said that I've been very busy (I go to school part time and work full time). It was as if he wanted me to be upset with him.

Anyway, in the course of the conversation, he tells me that he's been taking steroids to get more muscle. Said he's been doing it for about a month. I try not to freak (though I am on the inside!) and ask him why he'd want to do that. He explained that he's only doing it for himself, that he's hit a plateau physically, and wants to get over that, that he'll only be doing it for 12 weeks. I'm still extremely concerned, I tell him. He then tells me that he's only joking, he hasn't started yet, but that he is going to start doing them, and not to worry - that his other friends have had no side effects. If he has been doing them, than that could explain the change in him. But in my mind, I can only image that wrestler, Chris Benoit, who killed his wife, son and himself because of 'roid rage'. No doubt the presence of anti depressants and anti anxiety in his body only triggered something for him to come unhinged like that. In this same conversation, he'd also told me that that morning he'd called in late to work because he was suffering from a late night out with friends the night before. This is the third time his called in within a month! But, he seems to not even notice or care. Thinks its ok, I suppose.

Well, I'd had bought myself half of a ticket the other day to visit him for v-day (told him that he could by the other half, but he said he didn't have the money, so if I could pay for it, he'd pay me back. I wasn't thrilled at all, but silently agreed). I haven't been able to find another decently priced one-way, so I msged him the next day telling him that I don't think that the visit will work out. He barely responds to that. I question what he means, and he doesn't reply. Doesn't even seemed concerned that I'm not coming.

After not hearing from him later that night, I msg him again telling him that this feels like its turn into games with him. He replies, "if you say so". I told him that he hasn't told me for weeks now how he feels, so how am I supposed to feel about that? He doesn't reply. That was Friday night. It's Sunday. Somehow I don't expect to hear from him until tomorrow or Tuesday. I feel like he's waiting me out.

My question in all this is: Is this anything remotely closed to behavior associated with ptsd? Or is he just being a game playing ass? In the beginning he tried to assure me that he was not about games, that he knew what he wanted, and he wanted me. Now it just seems to be the fartherest from the truth...