Hi Rob

It's very useful to make sense of things, rather than just thinking as I used to that I was 'losing the plot' and other such analogies. Making sense of the reactions and realising that flashbacks were not indicative of early onset of schizophrenia, my forgetfullness was not alzheimers, my inability to concentrate was not dementia...I really was so concerned at what was wrong that I think I came across as a hypochondriac.

One thing to differentiate is the difference between the symptoms of PTSD and possible low self esteem that can result from abuse. It is normal in that case for both to be occurring, as well as difficulties socialising or trusting others. You are right in that through not having support mechanisms you ended up being bullied. We become bullied as a result of being an easy target to choose as we no longer have the ability we should to respond.

I am not sure if you have had counselling, and think that you are in the UK. There is a relatively new charity there, with national lottery funding that you may want to contact...

Assistance Support & Self-help In Surviving Trauma
HELPLINE: +44 (0)1788 560800

They will have a freephone number most likely in the future but the charity has only recently been set up.

It would also be worthwhile considering getting some counselling and also reading about cognitive behavioural therapy (a long expression which basically assesses how we look at things). The simplest thing to do with it is to find something positive that has come out of a negative experience. You may have to wrack your brains with it, but it does help break the negative thinking cycle.

Apart from that there are positives for us all, the fact that we are sitting here with internet access, clean water coming out of a tap and food on the table puts us in the most privileged group of people already.

The rest can be worked on.