I got a question for anyone who cares to reply . . .

What is it that like sets ya off. I mean like things are going on a rather even keel, the usual cruddy day, somewhat depressed, isolated . . . pissed off, nobody loves me . . . and I don't give a s*** 'cause I don't like anyone much less feel any love for anyone. But it's not going too bad. Not as bad as it can get. You know what I'm sayin', eh.

So like what is it for ya that does it . . .

So for me one of the things is bloody Microsoft Windows crashing and taking all my saved files with it into bloody hell. So then I spend the next few hours trying to get my back up to reload my OS, but the bloody hackers have got a virus into it and its corrupt. ****ing bloody hell . . . not again.

So then I start the PROCESS. Re-install that bastard Bill Gates's bloody Micro$oft Windo$e. Ya know I live not more than 20 miles from the freak . . . wish it was 20 light years.

Then I download the latest chipset drivers and install them. Then the drivers for the peripherals, the graphics card, the audio card, etc. All the while Windoze update is trying to download security fixes for their cruddy OS, and freezing up my computer . .. bloody bastards. Then I re-install all the software I use . . . the anti-virus for all the good it does, firewall, anti-spyware, etc.

So by the time I get the basic software going I've installed 44 drivers and utilities . . . like
Winzip,
Adobe Reader,
avast! Antivirus,
System Mechanic 5,
Creative Labs audio card drivers and utilities,
AMD dual-core optimizer,
download managers,
Java runtime,
Java 6 update 2,
Java 6 update 3,
Logitech SetPoint mouse driver,
Marvell cable modem driver,
Microsoft .net framework 1.1,
Microsoft .net framework1.1
Microsoft .net framework Hotfix 2.9
Microsoft .net framework service pack 1,
Microsoft .net framework Dr. Watson,
Microsoft .net framework CRT,
Microsoft .net framework CA,
Winforms,
Microsoft .net framework 1,
Microsoft .net framework CKR and PREXP and ASP .NET,
Micosoft Base Smart Card Crpto Server Provider package,
Compression client pack,
User Mode Driver Framework Feature Pack 1.0
Vistula C++ Redistributable,
Nvidia graphics card drivers,
Windows Genuine Advantate Validation Tool
and ninety four Windows XP Hotfix's, and Security Updates for Windows XP.

All that before I install my games which I have about 15 very large game . . . which included patches, updates, etc. Then I have to re-configure all the controls and on and on and on . . .

So if all goes well lol, it'll take around twelve hours give or take . . . longer if there's a problem.

So after 12 straight hours of dealing quite calmly with Mr. Gates's bloody OS I'm so wired that I can't sleep. Anyway it's 4 am . . . so I take a handful of across the counter sleepers, and the 1 mg of Clonopin, 50 mg of trazadone, one or two Tylonol 3's with codiene 'cause my bloody back and ass ache from sittin' fixin' Mr. Gates's ****ing crummy OS. That's a gob that'd put a rhino down for a day!!!

But me? No. I sleep until my loving wife wakes me up at 6:30 am to tell me she off to work. Bye love . . . have a good day. Kiss kiss.

Go back to sleep? Not on your life. Can't be done. If I gulp down any more sleepers my Dr. will have my arse in a paper bag.

So I'll grab a six pack of Dr. Pepper with all the caffeine and more . . . take my Aderall for my ADHD. Good that'll wake me up. While chugging my six of Dr. Pepper I turn my computer on . . . Ahh yes. That's better. But I have to enter the license keys for the games I installed last night . . .. bloody ****ing hell. The keys have expired again and I have to email the bastards for another batch.

So this is the point where I can loose it or just chill . . . pick up a book and read it while the teck's give my my ****ing new game keys so I can play my #(%&$* games.

Or, as has happened in the past, I can take my 30 lb computer monitor and plant it squarely up the ass of my computer which I have done twice . . . well, to be honest three times. Ya, totaled the bloody bastard too. I also used my monitor as a bowling ball in my living room once in the aftermath . . . worked rather well.

Thing is, if you can ignore all the destruction and all, the point being my routine has been disrupted. My CFS and fibromyalgia will act up . . . my bones and joint will hurt like bloody hell, and quite frankly I will be in one really, really bad mood, can't sleep, no energy to read, watch the tv . . . just bloody lay there on my pad and feel ****ing horrible . . . and probably be really nasty to my wife . . . I'm a bloody horrible disgrace and not worth the scum on a pond in the swamps of deepest darkest Africa. A pitiful excuse for a man. Dirt.

At this point the afterlife is a very attractive deal . . . this is not suicidal thinking. There is no plan. I have make bloody contracts with my therapist . . . stupid ass that I am. And I keep my word. It would be against God. My wife and son would be really pissed . . . No can do.

But if I just lay here perhaps fate has a plan for me . . .

I should be so lucky. No ****ing way would I be so lucky.

So I spend the next week digging myself out of the pit that bloody Mr. Gates's cruddy OS has put me into. Man I hate Microsoft Windose!!!

Anyway, that's one of my triggers lol.