Hi

You have no guilt either in what happened nor the fact that you suffer from it. You have no responsibility for that which you did not chose, nor for consequences of choices you did not foresee. Does that help much? Probably not, but you need to accept that as a basic starting point before you go further. And you need to accept that every single moment,because it will only be a logical decision at first - a sort of mental exercise - that wont do much to change the way you feel or the perceptions you have of yourself.

But eventually, it will become a part of your core - just like the way you think and feel now - and one that counters the negative influence of your previous learning.

Because essentially that is what you are experiencing - the effects of a programming that you did not know was happening, an adaption and reaction you did not chose not could control. You can not eradicate it - but you can program yourself in ways that counter the negative effects.

Liza