I haven't found an answer to the dilema, but I am currently in a similar situation.

At the moment, the decision of whether to work or not has been taken away from me. My doctor has signed me off work and insisted that I cannot return until I've had some 'proper' rest and sleep (easier said than done, thanks doc). He will review the situation in about 10 days time.

I don't even think he signed me off for my sake. I think he was more worried about me being a liability at work. I don't actually recall verbalising exactly how bad things were for me. I was really nervous about going to the doctors. I hate talking about how I am feeling, so I think I'd worked myself into quite a state by the time I saw him. Add that to the aggitation/anxiety from the ptsd, and looking crap from no sleep, and I don't think I had to 'say' much. Although I tried to 'hide', tried to act all cool and calm, I'm sure he just took one look at me and thought "hmm, she looks a bit stressed" !!

When he signed me off work, I was both upset and relieved. I was upset that he thought I could no longer do my job effectively. In my eyes, my job is the only only thing I'm any good at, so to be told I wasn't capable of it, was devastating. He didn't think it was 'safe' for me to deal with members of the public. I know he was right, but that doesn't mean I wanted to hear it.

But, I was also relieved because working 12 hour shifts with little or no sleep between was getting pretty tough. I was getting pissed off with every little thing. I completely lost my rag with a colleague, and had a go at him in front of others. It was getting to the point I was really angry most of the time. I'm sure that the anger would have got me into trouble sooner or later.

I'm sure that not being at work is no good for me though. Yes, the public and my colleagues are 'safe' from me. But me, I'm just home alone, isolated from my world of work. I don't think being at home does me any favours. My reason for getting out of bed in the morning is gone. The genuine laughs I would have with my colleagues is gone. Day to day chit chat is gone. My feeling of purpose and acheivement in doing a good job is gone.

Instead I just have one long day after another, with too much time for thinking. I still have nightmares and flashbacks etc. And I'm still not sleeping.
I would imagine that with a supportive family around you that taking a break from work could be very beneficial. But for me living on my own, I just find it isolating and lonely.

Also when I'm not at work I feel guilty, because I know they are short staffed. I also have concerns that I will loose my job. This is a real worry for me, on top of everything else.

So, I want to go back to work, and I need to go back to work (so that I don't loose my job). Part of me thinks that all I have to do, at my next doctors appointment, is hold it together long enough for him to let me go back to work. Tell him I'm ok.

But I know that isn't the answer, because I'll just be back at square one. What I really need to do, is to get my sleep problems sorted out, then I believe I will be able to cope with work. But quite how I do that, I don't know.