Yman - I got groped by a mate of mine in the US Navy. Make mine seem trivial compared to what you withstood. 'Course I was 20 yrs old.

I met a fella' I really liked in the psych ward at the VA hospital in Seattle. A black guy. He was raped by other sailors when he was in the brig. He said it hurt real bad. When he said that, like it hit me. Somehow I had a connection with him. I always have with African-American's. It hit me . . . he was held down, helpless, and someone was doing something to him in the most private area of his body.

In a way I was lucky. I always felt I could talk to my mom about anything. She was a lioness. Once I told her a dog bit me while I was doing my paper route. She got in the car dragging me along, I didn't ask her, and she drove around for an hour looking for that dog. Kind of glad she didn't find it . . . she would've maybe bit it in the neck and ripped its throat out.

Maybe that's why I don't have any self-consciousness about telling all the shit that happened to me. When I was a kid, I guess I always knew, unconsciously, that if something happened and I told my mom she'd bloody well kill the bloody bastards.

Well, I don't feel guilt . . . but damn, I sure got conditioned instantly to not fall asleep. Insomnia is my worst problem. Nope I'm not guilty of anything. But I got insomnia anyway. Bloody bastard.

PS Ya know gang, when I read about this stuff . . . I don't know. I get real angry . . . I want to hurt someone. I mean I really want to go our find him/her and hurt them. I wouldn't . . . maybe. But I want to. Doesn't seem right or Christian. I don't know . . . just makes me mad and I want to be the wrath that smites them sinful bloody bastards down. God forgive me.