Miles - you are not dead. You are very much alive.

Agree 100% with She Cat. . . get a diagnosis that you are comfortable with from a therapist you like and trust.

It may take a short time for you to clarify just what is going on . . . maybe more than one thing.

Doctor's can be real idiots. I agree. I was a nurse in a psychiatric hospital, University of Washington Medical Center. Some of them can be just . . . well, you know!

When I studied psychology when I got a MA in it, we read several books about how some patients, this was in the 1950's, would bounce around for years and get every diagnosis there was. One guy did a research project for his masters degree by faking being mentally ill and got placed in a psych ward, stayed there two weeks confessed and then had a hell of a time getting out.

In England, manic-depression is called psychosis in the US. It's really nuts.

After watching this all for years, I came to a general conclusion. The diagnosis matters only marginally. What really ever works with people is treating the symptoms.

I want you to have a solid footing 'cause it seems you are drifting . . confused. The people on this forum are really nice and can be trusted. The moderators are great and knowledgeable.

You are smart enough to know you are getting the wrong diagnosis. That is really positive.

I SOUNDS like you have been traumatized and if PTSD resonates with you fine . . . but that could change.

You have taken a brave and correct step posting in this forum. If you want and need help finding a therapist post that here and someone will help you. I will watch this thread to see how you are doing.

You can do it. Later.

Tyler