Well, Anthony has certainly opened a can of worms with this one. He knows, as you will all soon, that I think people with PTSD can and tend to be self-absorbed. I understand, that to keep the illness at bay, that time and space is needed to get things in perspective. Anthony would have to agree that I am better now at facilitating things/life so he can have the space needed to get back on track. Why then do I consider those with PTSD self-absorbed? AND I would like to add this disclosure that I do not think it is the case all of time but certainly, in my experience, it is a feature of PTSD and cannot be excluded from the illness or the person. Simple really. From my perspective, those with PTSD have chosen to take on a number of life components of their own free will - with the exclusion of PTSD of course. That is family, pets, mortgages (etc). The way I see it, you choose it, you have a responsibility for it or in the case of pets and children a SHARED responsibility. Taking Anthony for example, when he is ill, he becomes uncommunicative and withdrawn to the point where simple life tasks such as feeding the cats is difficult. Often he will have to be reminded a number of times (adding to his stress and frustration) and sometimes he just plainly does not hear me because he is in his own world. It is self-absorption in the fact that nothing else that is going on in the world is important or relevant to the point where even responsibilities take a back seat. His needs are paramount to the exclusion of all else. Looking at the dictionary definition of self = reference to one's own person, absorb = to swallow up the identity or individuality of; to engross wholly and absorption = the act or process of absorbing; preoccupation. If that doesn't describe someone ill with PTSD, what does?

Can this be helped? To a degree I believe that it can. Taking care of yourself if you have PTSD minimises the impact on those around you. Simply saying to your partner, friends, whatever that you are feeling unwell and need to sleep, walk, vent or have a days break is not unreasonable. This does two things: first it sends a clear message to the other person/people that you are aware of not feeling well and you are doing something about it, secondly, it allows the other person to facilitate making life a little easier without feeling angry, taken for granted (etc). Doing what makes you feel better - talking to others, exercise, sleep, medication (if necessary), eating - all of the things that will allow your body to naturally kick in the healing stuff and fight depression. The thing that ticks me off the most about PTSD (and you will see me mention it time again) is the perception or the reality that those with PTSD will not do something to make themselves feel better or worse, deliberately abuse substances that make them feel like crap. Alcohol being the primary contender that I have in mind - it is a depressant!!!! Hello!!!!

Those without PTSD will never really understand the internal workings of the illness but those with PTSD find it hard to grasp that their support people are doing it just as hard sometimes. Managing the home, looking after the kids, working, uni, walking the pets, walking on eggshells, keeping the home calm - whatever it may be. This all takes physical and mental energy. I guess the challenge is finding the middle ground (I will let you know if we ever discover it!!) so those with PTSD get the break that they need but those without it get a chance to rest. In the immortal words of Dr Phil "you can't give what you don't have" - it applies to all of us - not just those with PTSD.