Hi Tara,

I'm new here, too. I first posted on a day that was unbearable and I found solace in just being amongst people who suffer like I do. You sound so very alone in your pain and I'm sorry for that. Read around the board a bit, that's what I've been doing, it might help you. There are tons of stories and questions and just general rants that might help you with your struggle. I find that knowing I'm not a freak, that I haven't made feelings or pains up in my head is extremely comforting. Read, read, read, you might find some answers without ever having to ask the questions. It's difficult to not be so hard on yourself, but you're obviously taking steps to heal.

Best,
Rachel