Hey Tachman -


I'm a Nam vet (deeply religious . . . Jesus is my hero and I pray that I walk in his path even to martyrdom) and I still hate the Vietnamese nation with a passion . . . my fantasy is to walk a series of Nukes about 100 starting from the delta all along Nam up to the Chinese boarder and then maybe keep going on up to Peking. Toast them all, men, women, children, babies, rice paddies . . . everything. And if I had the End of The World Button (a reference to Ren and Stimpy) I don't know if I could restrain myself . . . my hate goes so deep. I know this is wrong . . . God will forgive you, just like he forgives me. You know by Grace, God will forgive even your most horrible actions and desires even the ones you still hesitate to tell us. It is by Grace alone that we become fit to stand by the side of the Lord in heaven. You just got to ask for it Brother . . . just ask Him for it. You know he loves you, you know it. He will give you the forgiveness you seek. You aren't the only one who has done evil . . . you know that. I have done evil too.


You're urge to protect the Iraqi people who you have come to love is righteous. Your wrath is righteous. But you are not the hand of God . . . you have not become Wrath. Keep that in mind. I believe God is working through you to protect these innocent people . . . why you I don't know. God does not only deliver Wrath and His judgment on earth with earthquakes, floods, etc. But I am afraid for you in this way . . . that you may have come to believe that you are Wrath, and the Judger. It is God who decides, not you. This is the danger and the fear I have . . . and perhaps that is why you keep reading Job because God tested the faith of Job . . . . horrible horrible test just like the horror you are going through. Maybe God wants you to make the moral distinction, now, right now, that he has worked His Wrath through you, but that he is done with you . . . you are free to go home GI. But he wants you do make the choice make the moral choice . . . . yes, I was Wrath, Gods Avenger of the Innocent, but now I am choosing to be wrath. I have become the Judger. Thus you suffer . . . . you have seen too much. Done too much. It is time for you to let go . . . your time as Wrath I believe has passed. You have become wrath . . . which is one of the seven deadly sins. Gluttony, Sloth, Avarice, Lust, Pride, Envy, Wrath. God will forgive you.


There are communities of Vets in the US of A. One I had the luck to run into when I had $20 and and old F-250 Ford to live in, here in Washington State. No matter how bad things get when you give up being what you have become . . . and get back to the world, there will be vets here who know exactly what you are going though, exactly.


One thing about these secret pentagon missions you are on . . . you get documentation on your actions somehow before you come home . . . or soon after. Either official action reports, make a dairy with dates, have them signed off by a buddy because once this is over and the pencil necks in Washington DC want to make a convenient denial that there never were any special Pentagon execution squads . . . . your service records will disappear. I know that for a fact . . . happened to a buddy of mine from Nam. Illegal missions in Laos, no service records. Period . . end of story. No matter what they tell you, get it documented.



PS I got a little different view about why you keep going back . . . perhaps you can't leave your beloved Iraqi friendlies. I had a airborne trooper buddy who went back 3 ups to The Nam to get revenge for the death of a friend.