Hi, this is kind odd hard to explain but here goes. I will try to do it as quick as possible.
My soul mate and true love, as I believe it to be, has pstd. He’s such a beautiful, strong character, but every now and then he slips into deep bouts of anger and frustration. He calls them trances, bad trips. His situation has come from childhood abuse. And a beating in his teens, where he was bashed leaving his back in a constant state of pain.

He’s never actually talked to me about the abuse, at one stage he was writing about it and I read some stuff. I don’t think he does this anymore. He has tried to explain where his head is at, but for some reason longs to discuss things with me or more so, he likes to listen to my insight. Then at other times, he becomes obsessed with my advice. I am a very strong character, and sometimes as resonating as my words can be, they seem to be a double edged sword due to his hyper emotional sensitivity.

This is not one of these times. He is not here, he is overseas, we have been apart for some time, after a long period of complete separation and no contact. We are due to meet up again in a few months. I sometimes become so frustrated that my heart physically aches. I don’t know what to do, because I don’t think anything I could say is fair or right. I’m not a therapist and I have no idea what he is going through. All I know is that I would wake up and try to nurse him out of these trance-like nightmares. Or wake up to him smiling over me, with insomnia. He describes himself as introverted, perhaps he’s a social introvert I don’t know. But he stays in himself more than I think is healthy.

Intuitively, I know I can help him, with physical love. At this very moment he feels helpless and is texting me, he won’t go to a phone. He’s texting me that he has fallen off the wagon (the sanity wagon). And later I find out he has been on a three day self pity party. He says he feels helpless to not press his self destruct button, and then he just goes off on his own, drinks himself sober and I don’t know, I guess passes out. I have done a lot of research into all of this since I discovered what his problems were. Albeit too late, we had already gone our separate ways in one of the most hollywood of dramatic break ups you could have imagined. In any case, I am still very much in love with him and have been in contact with him on a daily basis for some time. He’s been fine, until a few days ago. So what do I do? I mean, I’m not about to ever give in on him. And I’m the only one he trusts in the whole world, he says. I love him so much, and I know now how to protect myself, so he’s no strain. He just breaks my heart every time he breaks his own. If anything he lightens my world, so deep is my connection with him.

But I can’t handle being shut out. It’s like he’s letting me in, but only a bit, like he wants to talk, but doesnt know how I can help, or maybe the prospect of explaining how he feels is just too exhausting. He won’t speak to me the past few days. He just sends long texts explaining he’s on some bender, wasting himself, trying to work his head out. They are heavy texts, calling himself evil and that he will call when the storm is over. But its now 4 days. And he is still texting me every 4 hours or so. I just don’t get how he doesn’t get that he can’t do it alone any more. I don’t know what he is in. How can I help him? What can I say? Is he in denial? I really would like some feedback on this. Its only going to happen over and over until his faces his demons. How can I tell him that? Who am I to tell him that? I need to know if we can work it out. I am a very passionate, intuitive, deeply feeling person, I don’t think I could handle a life of sporadic shut outs and melt downs that I have no way of addressing and soothing.